Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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