I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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