i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
