It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
