do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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