idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
