SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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