Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
