I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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