wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
