I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
