Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
