I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
