At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im six kinds of drunk right now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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