I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
