Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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