I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
