I wanna bring you to show and tell
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
