He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize