She went from zero to smokin in five shots
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
as a side note pls kill me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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