i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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