There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
