It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
