I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
