I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
