Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
