I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
