Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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