smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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