Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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