wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The air taste purple.
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