You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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