I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
