i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
