Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
