You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
