all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
