I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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