Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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