Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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