What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
