The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize