Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
