party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
