god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
