If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
