On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
