I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
