My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
