she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
