your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
