wrigley field is MILF paradise
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
