He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
