Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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