my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
