Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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