Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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