I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
