I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
