I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
