she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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