There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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