my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
