I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
