dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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