I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize