My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
