My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
