well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
